How Autistic Individuals Can Avoid Over-Explaining and Improve Communication

Mastering the Art of Concise Communication as an Autistic Over-Explainer

Here are 10 bullet points summarizing the key points from the video “Are you an over-explainer? The Real Reason You Keep Over Explaining Yourself (And How to Fix It!)” by Autism From The Inside:

1. Over-explaining is common in the autistic community: It often stems from a desire to avoid misunderstandings by providing more details, but it can have negative consequences.

2. Too much information can cause confusion: Adding extra details can lead to misunderstandings, as it increases the chances of something being misinterpreted.

3. Sales analogy: Like in sales, where it’s advised to stop talking after making your pitch, over-explaining can backfire by overwhelming the listener.

4. Personal anecdote: Paul shares an experience where a long email to his psychologist damaged their relationship, as it introduced too many points to address effectively.

5. Simplify your message: The core of his long email could have been summed up in four words: “I don’t feel heard.” Over-explaining can dilute the main point.

6. Communicate the most important message first: Prioritizing what you want to say can prevent the need for excessive explanation.

7. Executive function challenge: Over-explaining is linked to difficulties in prioritizing information, a common executive function issue.

8. Less is more: Communicating clearly and simply, especially in situations where precise language isn’t possible, can be more effective.

9. Over-explaining vs. oversharing: Over-explaining involves analyzing and sharing too much existing information, while oversharing reveals private details.

10. Practical tip: Treat conversations, including texts and emails, as ongoing dialogues rather than one-off statements, sharing only essential information first and waiting for responses.

As an autistic individual, have you found yourself sending lengthy emails or texts in an attempt to clarify a situation or avoid misunderstandings? This tendency, known as “over-explaining,” is incredibly common within the autistic community. While the intention may be to provide more context and clarity, over-explaining can actually have serious negative impacts on your relationships. The root of this behavior lies in a common executive function challenge. Autistic individuals often struggle with prioritizing information, leading them to communicate everything with equal importance rather than identifying the core message. This can leave the recipient feeling overwhelmed and unsure of the actual point you’re trying to convey. Interestingly, the more you try to over-explain, the more likely you are to introduce new sources of confusion and misunderstanding. It’s a counterintuitive paradox – the very act of trying to clarify can actually exacerbate the problem.

The Pitfalls of Over-Explaining

The tendency to over-explain is a common challenge faced by many autistic individuals, and it can have significant negative impacts on their relationships and ability to effectively communicate. At the heart of this issue lies a paradox – the very act of providing excessive information in an attempt to clarify a situation or avoid misunderstandings can actually introduce new sources of confusion.

Autistic people often struggle with executive function skills, particularly the ability to prioritize information and identify the core message they want to convey. Instead of focusing on the essential points, they may feel compelled to share every detail and analysis, overwhelming the recipient and obscuring the true meaning. This can lead to frustration, disengagement, and a breakdown in communication, as the listener becomes lost in the sea of information rather than understanding the speaker’s intent.

Furthermore, over-explaining can damage relationships by creating a sense of distance and a lack of mutual understanding. When someone feels the need to constantly clarify and expand on their thoughts, it can come across as a lack of trust in the other person’s ability to comprehend the message. This can erode the bond and make it challenging to build the close, collaborative connections that autistic individuals often deeply desire. By recognizing the pitfalls of over-explaining and developing strategies to communicate more concisely, autistic people can improve their relationships and foster deeper, more meaningful interactions.

The Paradox of Over-Explaining

One of the most counterintuitive aspects of over-explaining is the paradox it creates – the more information an autistic individual provides in an attempt to clarify a situation, the more likely they are to introduce new sources of confusion and misunderstanding. This phenomenon is rooted in the cognitive challenges often associated with autism, particularly in the realm of executive function.

The Link to Executive Function Challenges

At the heart of the over-explaining tendency observed in many autistic individuals lies a common challenge with executive function skills, particularly the ability to prioritize information. This cognitive deficit can have a profound impact on an autistic person’s communication style and their ability to effectively convey their thoughts and ideas.

Autistic individuals often struggle with determining which details are truly essential and which can be safely omitted or saved for a later time. They may feel compelled to share every piece of information, analysis, and context, driven by a desire to ensure the listener has a comprehensive understanding. However, this

Strategies for Effective Communication

Fortunately, there are practical strategies that autistic individuals can employ to improve their communication skills and reduce the tendency to over-explain. At the core of these techniques is a focus on simplicity, prioritization, and a more intentional, top-down approach to conveying information.

Keeping It Simple in Text-Based Communication

In the realm of text-based communication, such as emails, instant messages, and social media interactions, the tendency to over-explain can be particularly prevalent among autistic individuals. The asynchronous, non-verbal nature of these mediums can amplify the challenges associated with conveying information clearly and concisely. However, by adopting a more strategic, conversational approach, autistic communicators can significantly improve their ability to engage with others and reduce the risk of overwhelming their conversation partners.

One key strategy is to focus on brevity and simplicity when crafting written messages. Rather than launching into lengthy, information-dense missives, autistic individuals can strive to express their core thoughts, needs, or questions in a few well-chosen sentences. This concise, straightforward style not only reduces the risk of over-explaining but also encourages the recipient to respond and engage in a back-and-forth dialogue, rather than passively consuming a wall of text.

Moreover, adopting a more conversational tone can make the communication experience more natural and inviting. Instead of formal, academic language, autistic communicators can experiment with a relaxed, casual style that mirrors how they would speak in person. This can help to bridge the gap between the virtual and physical realms, creating a sense of connection and rapport that is often lacking in text-based interactions. By striking the right balance between simplicity and personal expression, autistic individuals can learn to convey their messages effectively while maintaining an open, collaborative dynamic with their conversation partners.

Knowing When to Share Depth

While the focus on simplicity and concision is crucial for reducing the tendency to over-explain, it’s important for autistic individuals to recognize that there are indeed appropriate contexts for sharing greater depth and analysis. The key is developing the self-awareness to discern when such depth is warranted and when a more streamlined approach is called for.

In the pursuit of clear, effective communication, autistic people may initially be inclined to err on the side of brevity, fearful of overwhelming their conversation partners. However, there are times when providing additional context, inner experience, and nuanced perspectives can actually deepen understanding and strengthen relationships. For instance, when communicating with close friends or family members, sharing your thought processes and rationale can foster a stronger sense of connection and mutual comprehension.

Conversely, in more formal or casual settings, such as professional interactions or brief social exchanges, a more concise, top-down approach may be more appropriate. The goal in these situations is to convey the essential information efficiently, leaving room for the recipient to request further details if needed. By developing this situational awareness, autistic individuals can learn to balance depth and brevity, seamlessly adjusting their communication style to suit the context and the needs of their audience. This flexibility can greatly enhance their ability to engage in productive, meaningful exchanges while mitigating the risk of over-explaining.

Addressing Executive Function Challenges

At the root of the tendency to over-explain among autistic individuals lies a common challenge with executive function skills, particularly the ability to prioritize information. By addressing these underlying cognitive deficits, autistic communicators can develop more effective strategies for conveying their thoughts and ideas in a clear, concise manner.

One of the key skills to cultivate is the capacity to discern the core message or primary point from the supporting details and ancillary information. Autistic people often struggle to distinguish between what is truly essential and what can be safely omitted or saved for a later time. 

Identifying the Most Important Information

One of the foundational skills for autistic individuals to develop in order to reduce their tendency to over-explain is the ability to identify the most important information within a given context. This involves cultivating the capacity to discern the core message or primary point from the supporting details and ancillary information.

This challenge is often rooted in executive function deficits, where autistic people struggle to prioritize and organize the wealth of data and analysis they wish to convey. Instead of clearly articulating the central takeaway, they may feel compelled to share every piece of information, resulting in a communication style that overwhelms the listener and obscures the true meaning.

To address this issue, autistic individuals can engage in targeted exercises and self-reflection to hone their ability to distinguish between essential and non-essential information. This might involve outlining their thoughts before speaking or writing, carefully considering which points are truly critical and which can be omitted or saved for a later time. They can also practice summarizing the core message in a concise, impactful manner, leaving room for the recipient to request additional details as needed.

Over time, with consistent effort and feedback, autistic communicators can train themselves to become more adept at identifying the heart of their message and conveying it in a streamlined, effective way. This skill not only reduces the tendency to over-explain but also enhances the overall clarity and impact of their interactions, fostering deeper understanding and more meaningful connections with their conversation partners.

Practicing Concise and Intentional Communication

Building the habit of concise, intentional communication is a crucial skill for autistic individuals to develop in order to overcome the tendency to over-explain. By training themselves to express the essential points in a clear, streamlined manner, they can not only reduce the risk of overwhelming their conversation partners but also enhance the overall effectiveness of their interactions.

One effective technique is to engage in regular practice exercises that challenge autistic communicators to distill their thoughts and ideas into a few key sentences or bullet points. This could involve summarizing the core message of a conversation or email before sharing the full text, or identifying the primary takeaways from a meeting or presentation. Over time, this practice can help train the brain to prioritize the most salient information and resist the urge to provide excessive details.

Additionally, autistic individuals can experiment with techniques such as the “elevator pitch,” where they challenge themselves to convey their main point in the time it would take to ride an elevator. This exercise not only encourages concision but also fosters the ability to adapt one’s communication style to the context and the needs of the audience. By consistently practicing this intentional, streamlined approach, autistic communicators can develop the habit of expressing the essential points clearly and effectively, reducing the likelihood of over-explaining and enhancing the overall quality of their interactions.

Strengthening Relationships Through Improved Communication

One of the most profound benefits of overcoming the tendency to over-explain is the positive impact it can have on an autistic individual’s relationships and their ability to foster deeper, more meaningful connections. By learning to communicate in a more concise, intentional manner, they can create an environment of mutual understanding and engagement, rather than one marked by frustration and disengagement.

When autistic people rely heavily on over-explaining, it can inadvertently create a barrier between themselves and their conversation partners. The constant stream of information, analysis, and context can leave the recipient feeling overwhelmed and uncertain about the core message, leading to misunderstandings and a breakdown in communication. This, in turn, can damage trust, empathy, and the sense of shared understanding that is so vital for building strong, supportive relationships.

However, by developing the skills to identify and convey the essential points, autistic individuals can create opportunities for more productive, collaborative dialogues. Their conversation partners will feel heard and understood, and the autistic individual will gain the satisfaction of knowing their message has been received and appreciated. This balance of depth and brevity can foster a sense of connection and mutual respect, paving the way for deeper emotional bonds and a greater willingness to engage in vulnerable, meaningful exchanges. Over time, as autistic communicators refine their ability to strike this delicate balance, they may find that their relationships become richer, more fulfilling, and more deeply rooted in genuine comprehension.

Balancing Depth and Brevity

As autistic individuals develop strategies to reduce their tendency to over-explain, it’s important to recognize that there is a time and place for sharing greater depth and analysis. While brevity and concision may be the default approach, there are situations where providing more context and nuanced perspectives can actually enhance understanding and strengthen relationships.

The key is cultivating the self-awareness to discern when deeper exploration is warranted and when a more streamlined, top-down communication style is more appropriate. For instance, when interacting with close friends, family members, or trusted colleagues, sharing your inner experience and thought processes can foster a stronger sense of connection and mutual comprehension. By explaining the reasoning behind your beliefs or actions, you can help others gain a deeper appreciation for your perspective and the unique way you navigate the world.

Conversely, in more casual or formal settings, such as brief social interactions or professional meetings, a more concise approach may be preferable. In these contexts, the goal is to convey the essential information efficiently, leaving room for the recipient to request additional details if needed. Overwhelming them with excessive analysis or personal anecdotes may actually hinder the flow of the conversation and detract from your primary message.

By developing this situational awareness and the ability to flexibly adjust their communication style, autistic individuals can learn to strike a balance between depth and brevity. This allows them to share their inner experience and unique perspectives when appropriate, while also maintaining clarity, focus, and engagement in their day-to-day interactions.

Inviting Engagement and Collaboration

One of the most valuable benefits of developing concise, intentional communication skills is the way it can invite deeper engagement and collaboration from one’s conversation partners. By moving away from the tendency to over-explain and instead adopting a more conversational approach, autistic individuals can foster a dynamic, back-and-forth dialogue that leads to more meaningful and productive interactions.

When autistic people rely heavily on lengthy, information-dense messages, it can often leave the recipient feeling overwhelmed and disconnected. They may struggle to discern the core message or find themselves lost in a sea of details, making it difficult to formulate a genuine response or contribute to the discussion. This can result in a one-sided interaction where the autistic individual does most of the talking, with little opportunity for true engagement and mutual understanding.

However, by striving for brevity, clarity, and a more conversational tone, autistic communicators can create an environment that encourages their conversation partners to actively participate. When the essential points are conveyed in a concise, inviting manner, it opens the door for questions, feedback, and collaborative exploration of the topic at hand. This dynamic exchange allows both parties to gain a deeper comprehension of the subject matter and to forge a stronger sense of connection and shared understanding.

Moreover, this approach can help to bridge the gap between the autistic individual’s inner experience and the external world. By presenting their thoughts and ideas in a more accessible, conversational style, they can foster a greater sense of empathy and help their conversation partners gain a richer appreciation for their unique perspective. Over time, this can lead to the development of more meaningful, fulfilling relationships built on mutual respect and a genuine desire to understand one another.

Quiz: Putting the Strategies into Practice

1. Which of the following is a key strategy for autistic individuals to reduce over-explaining?

   a) Providing as much information as possible to ensure full understanding

   b) Identifying the core message and selectively sharing relevant details

   c) Maintaining a formal, academic tone in all written communications

   d) Avoiding any personal context or analysis in your explanations

2. True or False: Autistic individuals should always strive for brevity and avoid sharing depth or inner experience.

   a) True

   b) False

3. What is the primary reason autistic people tend to over-explain?

   a) They want to demonstrate their intelligence and knowledge

   b) They struggle with executive function skills, particularly prioritization

   c) They are trying to intentionally confuse or overwhelm their conversation partners

   d) They have difficulty understanding social cues and the needs of their audience

4. How can a conversational, back-and-forth approach to communication benefit autistic individuals?

   a) It allows them to unload all their thoughts and feelings without interruption

   b) It creates opportunities for deeper engagement and mutual understanding

   c) It makes it easier for them to maintain control over the conversation

   d) It reduces the risk of their conversation partners asking follow-up questions

5. When is it appropriate for autistic individuals to share more depth and analysis in their communications?

   a) Only in formal, professional settings

   b) Never, as it will always lead to over-explaining

   c) When interacting with close friends, family, or trusted colleagues

   d) Only when the other person specifically requests more information

“1. b\n2. b\n3. b\n4. b\n5. c”